December 8, 2021 – Let’s face it: change is hard. But since the one thing you can always count on is change, we may as well face the reality that we don’t know what lies ahead!
As a financial life guide, my mission is to help people live their optimal lives. Focus on the word “optimal.” It is purposefully not described as the “best” life. It also does not promise the achievement of “all” your goals or possessing the “most” money. Optimal describes a life that brings you joy, under a specific set of circumstances. Optimal allows you to consider a life in a different environment. It provides the feeling that life is relative and could be better, but also worse. It is a forgiving word, in that it does not carry the burden of attaining a perfect state, just the state of mind that’s right for you, right now!
Now that the possibility for your optimal life energizes you, what things should you do, what actions should you take? Permit me one more adage: “think before you act.” Changing your actions is always a result of initially having a thought, which produces an emotion or feeling that provides you the “fuel” to take action. This thought/emotion/action cycle repeatedly occurs in everyday life, sometimes taking just a few seconds, and sometimes occurring instantaneously. A psychological school of thought called “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” has proven helpful with people looking to make a change. Financial Life Guidance utilizes these concepts when conducting “Visualization” sessions with clients. We super-charge the thinking process by adding a seeing or visual component to the picture. This is a well-documented approach to facilitating a person’s ability to consider what might be optimal for them. Having something in your sight provides an easy transition to your emotions when you “experience” this new state.
The good news is that there is a process for making change easier and with a higher chance of success. But here is the catch – it can only work FOR YOU! That’s because you only are in control of changing yourself. You cannot change others unless they decide to make a change. What you can do is change how you think about someone else. Changing your thinking will result in a very different emotion, which will trigger alternate actions. In reality, you haven’t changed a person, you just changed how you think, feel, and act with them. That can be a massive change for you and possibly the impetus for change in others.
The possibilities for change in a person’s life are limitless. With our clients, we like to focus on those changes that are true priorities and those that will be very impactful for them and, in turn, for those meaningful relationships in their lives. Many of these changes result from a life event, sometimes referred to as a life transition. Some can be planned, some are expected but with unsure timing, and some come unexpectedly and are devasting.
We have all experienced such life changes. Getting married, starting a family, embarking on a new career, the loss of a loved one, separation or divorce, retirement, and periods of financial stress are all examples of times in your life where coping with change will be essential. One situation, not unusual but which does not get a lot of press, is when a person feels unfulfilled, living without a purpose or motivation to seek an optimal life.
Being at the crossroads of these impactful life events can be overwhelming. Many feel despair or lose hope that they can orchestrate change. Others take the tact to forget the past and “start over.” One can never really start over. There is a start (birth) and an end (death) in life, and everything in between is just the accumulation of learning, experiences, and the never-ending cycle of thinking/feeling/acting.
Feeling excited about change provides the energy to make it happen. We often provide our clients with the “permission” to consider the change and help them make it happen. Be on the lookout in future “Let’s Be Frank” essays for specific situations/stories that might motivate you to achieve your optimal life.